Hump Day Oath of Friendship

My friends, I know how you all tire of sentimental crap, those sissy friendship emails that sound fantastic, but never come close to the real thing. Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this post - just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

• When you are sad I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the fu*king bastard who made you sad.


• When you are blue I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.


• When you smile I will know you got laid.


• When you are scared I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.


• When you are worried I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whinging.


• When you are confused I will use little words.


• When you are sick stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.


• When you fall I will laugh and at your clumsy arse.

This is my oath... I pledge it to you. I mock because I care.